This is pretty sick.
I wasn't able to blog about yesterday's event
coz it was chaotic.

My Hari Raya Puasa started off with talking
to Jac on skype till 4.30am.
Then I was so exhausted, I fell asleep with
so much ease till 12.45pm in the afternoon,
when I got woken up by Jac's call.
Faints.
I was wondering, she slept later than me, but how could
she wake up earlier than me? Amazing.
Well, she actually had a nightmare that I left her
house in the middle of the night, like what happened
in the past. Sigh.
It's been haunting her, must have been terrible.
But I'm giving her all the assurance now.

I washed myself up,
got onto the lappie and waited for her to
come online, but after we hung up, she wasn't online.
Was kinda startled but soon figured out she went
back to sleep, yes, the usual pig she is. :/

So I decided to continue watching my
"hua yang shao nian shao nu".
It's a hilarious show, wondered why I didn't
catch it any sooner.
Ella is SO FREAKING cute.oh my gosh.
She made me laugh my intestines out.

Then at 3pm,
I was able to chat with Jac.
Finally!
Till my mum came in and give me problems.
Nagging, scolding, reprimanding.
Everything just went out of hand.

She forbid me to speak to Jac.
Hated the idea, got told off by my dad as well.
*roar* how complicated can things get?
To add on to my stress,
Jac didn't understand as well.
She just wanted to talk to me online,
coz she was free the whole day with no programmes on.
I know I did mention that I would stay online to
speak to her, I was willing.
But yet circumstances didn't permit.

She couldn't understand.
She was stressed over her own stuffs
and I was too.
Both of us started to flare at each other,
exchanging crude and unpleasant words.
We oculd only fault each other.
It was terrible.

Then she called my house time and time again.
Allowing my parents and grandfather to tell her off.
Gee, it's so hard you know.
I was crying like mad and she just couldn't understand.
I was upset and mad at her for being so self-centered.
Just when I needed that understanding from my parents
or her, none of them gave it to me.
NONE. That's when I told myself, that I shouldn't
bother about any of you anymore coz I wasn't cared for.

I hate being sandwiched between kinship and
relationship, I don't wanna forsake either,
but yet both parties drove me to the wall.

Came to a standstill whereby I should just forget
everything.
Be alone and live alone.
People are just another asset.
Yet, I'm seen as a burden.

It was such a long argument,
I could just leave the world.

I wanna vanish.
Then maybe my dreams have all been shattered.

I HATE my live now,
but you know what I hate the most?

I HATE myself for being so nice, kind
and loving till I got taken advantage of.

I'm aware of people now.

Danger is lurking.

* This is the time where I cut my dreams away.