I'm losing myself.

Have no idea why I can be so calm at times
and really feel like ignoring her at others.

It just feels so strange,
but I know for sure,
I don't feel for her that much anymore,
it's deteriorating and it's sad.

After all her words, her tantrums,
her possessiveness, her paranoia,
she being unreasonable,
I don't think the communication
is genuine now.

Even when she wants me to assure her
that I still love her,
I choke on my words,
I just couldn't breathe it out,
it felt as if my oxygen level was gonna
be striped off me.
That's bad.

Then I know,
it's all just a simple word of pity.

I pity her,
I don't love her anymore.

No matter what she does now,
or how good she can be,
it can never heal the wound in my heart.

NEVER.
Nothing will ever be the same again.

- I thought about the beef steak you
cooked, 2 years ago.
I can still taste it, smell it and remember it,
I had 3 bowls of rice.
Your meal cooked with love,
just for me.
I miss your cooking,
you gentle touches,
the way you touch me
and the way you look at me,
like I will forever be your only one.
I love you.

* Caught between an obligation and a forsaken love.