I could never believe what I saw,
what I heard from my gf yesterday.
It was alot of insensitivity on her part.
An entire page of praises and heartfelt
apologies in the sweetest love letter
I've ever read. All to her ex, Berenice.
Sigh.

I was completely devastated and thrown down
from the peak towards the deepest hell hole
ever made known.

Till now, I have yet to recover from such
emotional wreckage that's been hidden and
buried so well. I exploded yesterday, not
in anger, frustration or harshness, but in
pain, sorrow, hurt and heart ache.

That weakness, all so familiar.
Those tears, I've tasted them before.
The very stab at the centre of your heart
signifies all's lost and beyond redemption.

I've finally opened my eyes.
I've finally seen reality hit on me.
I am finally able to feel again,
thanks to you pain.
I realise I'm not heartless,
I'm still human and I still feel,
I just don't want to end up in
the solace of darkness again.

I knew right from the start,
I could never be compared to her.
Be it studies, looks, figure, character,
loving you, standing by you and most importantly,
making you feel on top of the world.
I always try to shove all these thoughts aside
and told myself that I just have to do my best
and that's all that matters.
Unfortunately, the truth is, it isn't.
No matter what I did, I would always lose
out to her. I could never be on par or
am even worth a decent form of praise.

I can't be a future veterinarian, I'm a sore
loser when it comes to maths and science.
My grades for those 2 subjects were a flop.

I don't have such beautiful features like she does,
a sweet face that's worth a second look.
I don't have a figure that's deemed gorgeous.
I have an obvious scar that slides through from
my chest to the centre of my body, with two holes
that looked like deformed oreo cookies.

I have another scar that slides through the right
side of my shoulder blade.
I'm potentially a platform for take-offs,
I have a huge belly tht people mistake for
pregnancy, I have huge thighs that look
like chicken thighs.

I have a shitty character to begin with,
I'm not only inferior on the outside,
I'm inferior on the inside too.
I'm just a heartless dumb bitch.

I love you the wrong way,
it's a torture to you,
I scold you whenever I like and
speak crude languages.
I have a serious attitude problem and
I'm never there when you need me.

What's worse, I never made you happy,
NOT ONCE in this relationship.

HAH, speaking of terrible.
I think I'm horrendous.

I used to think that being with
you was all that matters.
Coz I love you so much and I
wanted to prove that.

I love you like I love myself.
I care for you like I care for my sister.
I cry for you like I just lost my dog,
I swallow all the pain and hurt just
like drinking water.
All things precious to me could
never compare to you.
I did all I could, tried my very best,
but yet the results are the same,
just like 6 years ago, when you left.

I could never make you stay.
I could never see how much I put
my life on the line, but yet
can never earn a special place
in your heart.
I completely give up on the thought
of anything else anymore.

I'm too hurt,
I cried too much yesterday.
I wished you could assure me that
everything is okay,
but I know no amount of words
can heal this very wound.

I've come to the point whereby,
I just wanna be a passer-by in your life.
I don't want anything else anymore.
I don't want to be the love of your life already.
(You've found her)
I don't want to stay if you don't want me to.
I don't want to be needed by you if you don't need me.
I don't want to love you, if you don't love me.
Lastly, I don't want to cry for you, if you don't
feel a thing when I do.

You could be the one,
you could be my one.
You could be my husband,
you could father my kids,
you could love me always,
but now, what you can do
is to think it through.

No matter what your decision is,
I respect it.
I just want you to know that I'll
support you throughout your studies,
that's the most I could do.
Study hard, get a degree and have
a great future. You love this course,
so always remember,
NEVER EVER GIVE UP.
Your love, your passion for your studies,
I see and feel it.
So don't bump and laze around,
get started!

=)

* I could never see this coming from you; I'm left to cry blood out.