It's a sunday and I'm so bored here.
Bleahz.

I couldn't sleep last night,
supposedly sleeping at 12.30am,
but I ended up sleeping at 3.30am,
3 whole solid hours of tossing and turning.

I was messaging Jac all the way
and all I could think of was you.
you kept coming into my mind,
our memories,
your images,
kept flashing and because I lost you,
I kept crying,
I cried till my eyes were so pain
and puffy.

Sigh.

Woke up around 9plus am,
to go to church.
Mass was good,
Fr. Fernandez gave a very good homily,
something that everyone can reflect on.

for once or so I thought,
I did not sleep during homily,
haha, it's always good to stand then. =)

Dad and mum gets worse day by day,
their attitudes,
their behaviours,
have all changed drastically and
I don't seem to know that anymore.

I love my parents,
my lil sis,
my grandad and grandmas and
everyone,
but yet there's so much expectations.
I'm only human,
I can get tired too. =(

I too, have alot of expectations that
I personally wanna meet.
I want to be able to live a life,
whereby I can act, sing, dance
and also probably write a book.

I'm a very wordy person,
that's why I'm a mass commer.
I want to live my dreams and not
let anyone or anything hinder it,
especially Jac.
I may be in a relationship with her,
but that doesn't mean she can control
me, I've seen her, I know who she is,
now, I'm not gonna let her have her way.

Went to 85 to eat,
scissors cut rice.
Haha, sis went off after that
as she has work.
Poor babe, she needs to learn how to
rest.
Parents bought ingredients for dinner .

I went back home first,
so that my ah kong can have his lunch.
Watched tv all the way,
woke Jac up but she said she
wanted to sleep more.
:/

Went to get a pack of garlic for dad,
a pack of jerky for dawn and
a pack of 'colourful biscutis'.
Hah, my FAV! =p
It makes me happy.

Then woke Jac up,
talked to her and we ended
up quarrelling again.
It's so frustrating, like honestly.
Demands every single thing,
want things her way, but NEVER thought
about what would happen or my feelings,
she's relaly not fit to be a girlfriend,
or maybe my GIRLFRIEND to be exact.
I can't live with a gf like her,
she can only be a very good friend to me.
She does not know how to forgive,
so I give up.

About going to the UK,
how am I to raise that sum of money?
she must be kidding me, seriously.
Going over for her family's christmas party?
She must be joking,
I'm not gonna do that,
the UK trip
I might consider, but not the X'mas party,
it's crap!

I don't think I can continue the relationship
with her any longer,
I was wrong.
She's not my one.

I just don't want her to get affected coz
of me, her family pins a lot of hope
on her and I just hope she can do
them proud, that's all to it now.

Dinner was good
and I'm here now.

- I'm staring into blank space,
thinking about you,
reminiscing our past and
I realise I can never let you go.
No matter was it J'van or Jac,
my heart still points to you
and I only found out about it now.
They are just distractions,
you are my one.
The one I wanna settle down with,
live together with,
have 8 kids together
and to love you all my life.
If I was given just one more chance,
I will never let you slip by me again.
Never, baby.
I love you.

* Pain, sorrow and heartbreak, would you erase them for me?