THURSDAY

It's Maundy Thursday.
A beginning of the holy week,
just after Lent.
Strange, but true,
time passes so fast,
I can hardly catch up.

I was late for work again.
Oh gosh, not that I woke up late,
but it's just that the bus always arrives
at the wrong time.
LOL.
Trying to find excuses for myself eh?
Oh well.

Maureen was late for work as well.
Therefore I decided to buy breakfast for
her.
Bought the usual bee hoon with egg and
luncheon meat and her favourite "black"
barley drink. Lol.
Of course I bought breakfast for myself too.

When I arrived in the office,
Daisy asked me,
" Wah! Jacinta, you bought lunch and dinner
for yourself is it? How come 2 packets? "
I was like,
" What lunch and dinner? I bought for Maureen and
myself ar, you think I'm a pig is it? Wah Lao! "
That was my reply to her. LOL.
I mean common sense right?
My gosh.

We were like practically going bonkas.
Making calls and updating systems.
Tedious.
But it's a MUST!
If not, our commissions would be forfeited.
I don't understand why, but I got
really stressed when I wasn't hitting my numbers well.
Jane and Maureen made 13 sales,
I only made 10 and Daisy was questioning me
about my abilities and work progress.

You know what?
I don't really care anymore.
I'm doing my best here and if she can't see it,
then that's her freaking problem.
I used different tactics and strategies
to get customers to apply for the card,
I just hope all my effort doesn't
go down the drain.
I'm not money-minded, I just need the money
badly to support my family and my financial needs.

Left after making only 54 calls.
Just couldn't go on.
Was so tired.
Met up with mum, dad and sis
at Bugis.
Went to have scissors cut rice at
a coffeeshop nearby.

After which, visitation of churches started.
First to St Joseph's Church,
second to St's Peter and Paul Church,
third to Cathedral of The Good Shephard,
fourth to Novena Church,
fifth to Church of The Risen Christ
and lastly to Church of The Holy Trinity.
We said the five decades of the Rosary.
Seriously, I love going for visitations of churches.
Whenever I'm in a particular church, I feel at ease.
Peace and tranquility embraces me.
All my problems and worries just disappear instantaneously,
I really have to thank God for that.

I saw my childhood friend,
I missed her, but unfortunately,
we drifted so far, we just had nothing to
talk about.
Sad to say, she and I were always running
around the church when our dads were busy
with the activities held in church.
Being the sweet innocent pair of best friends,
we used to share everything and do everything
together.
It's cruel how time put a distant barrier
between us.

Salad messaged me as well.
She saw me but I didn't see her.
Alemak.
What happened?
Must be blind.
I miss salad too.
Never mind, I'll be able to see her this Wednesday
right woman? LOL.

I had this recurring feeling yesterday.
Everytime when there's visitation of churches
or any catholic events that are happening,
I'm always reminded of one person.
That very person took my heart away when I was
just 13 years old.
I set eyes on her because of the way she was.
So adorable, so charming.
I just can't help but notice.
This special someone has the ability
to make me wait for her for 4 whole years.
She's a catholic as well and her name is Jac.
That's what everyone calls her.
It's unbelievable how someone like her
can actually make me love.
I loved her alot.
so much so that I wasn't even aware
how much it was.
I fought with a girl who bad-mouthed her.(physically)
I slit my wrist and indulged in self-infliction
for the very first time.
I got into depression and started going
on a binge for the first time as well.
I bore the pain of seeing her with different
girlfriends time and time again.
The pain was nothing when she smiled.
I just loved the way she smiled, the way she was
so gentle and especially the CK One perfume
that she had on her.
I could do everything to hide my love for her,
I just wanted to be there for her when she needed
somone to lean on.
I was very fortunate coz we were in the same CCA, Drama.
Same passion, same cca, same school, same age.
Gosh, this was like a dream.
We hung out alot and I eventually became her
best Drama buddy.
Although, she's not in Singapore and is in Perth
now, she stays in this lil corner of my heart.
I miss her at times but knowing that she's
happy with who she is with now, gives me an
assurance and that I should find my happiness as well.
I used to go to Church with her.
Oh gosh, these are the memories I hide so well.
Coz memories are the past, in order to see the present
and embrace the future, I must leave these memories
in this safe box that's called " My Heart ". =)
(I hope you're doing well over there, you're still missed.
Thank you for giving me a chance to love you, even if it
was only 2 weeks and 5 days, I really treasured every
single minute with you. I'm glad to have found you.)

Home after that,
was so tried man.
Of course we manage to eat something before that.
We're such pigs! Lol.

Was on msn,
on the phone and messaging.
Playing game as well.
So busy.
Peng san.

Thanks Dexter for your encouragement.
Thanks Chris for being there, you're so sweet.

- We spoke on the phone.
- It's always the same kind of conversations.
- Move on, moving on, moved on.
- Are you telling me I don't even have
- the slightest right to decide my future?
- Yes, we have different outlooks on life,
- we think differently, you wonder how can we be happy?
- We were fine before you decided to raise the white flag,
- after you raised it, your concept, your mind
- has overtaken everything that's genuine and pure,
- therefore leading us to the stage we are right now.
- no blames, no crtiticisms, no judgement,
- just have to face reality you were saying?
- What has reality given you?

* Unblock me. Trust me, will you?