Blog.
Blogging.
Blogged.
Bahahaha.

Okay, I'm crazy.

FRIDAY

I can't exactly remember how
my day started.
All I knew was I was late for work.
Yeah, as usual.

Needed to make more sales,
therefore I stayed in the office with
Maureen and Jane.
This comm thingy is driving me crazy.
AFter so many attempts,
it was still futile.
Coz I ended up with like only
6 cards being cross sold?
Worst number for the week.

I basically only ate fruits
and the egg balls that Husband bought for
me. Felt so loved when eating it.
Ah Nai was nice enough to have bought fruits for
me. Really appreciate it babe. Thanks.

After work, it was K BOX with Cathy,
my wonderful triplet.
Guess I really had fate with her,
just when I reached our meeting point,
I saw her coming up from the escalator.
How's that? Weird, fate with my good friend.
She's the friend who's worth keeping. =)

WE decided to dine at Fish & Co,
coz as you know it's a FRIDAY.
Therefore it's abstinence from meat.
Well, fish is seafood okay? LOL.

Triplet was great company as we talked.
You know, I noticed something about Triplet,
while she was talking, I felt that she was
really beautiful, I mean it.
- FYI, I'm not a pervert okay? -
She had this Charisma today that left me
thinking, she is a really good woman,
why would guys ill-treat her?
DAMN MEN!

We were practically eating like mad
and I really felt very full.
Guess I didn't have much of an
appetite these few weeks.
I'm going to collapse if I continue
to be like that.

Husband called.
Haha.
Was quite shocked, guess he missed me eh?
I REALLY MISSED YOU TOO, RED ONE. =)

He's going to play soccer,
whereas cathy and me went singing.
Some STUPID guy pang seh-ed my husband
YET AGAIN. This guy ought to be shot.
Coz he was accompanying SOME GIRL by
the initial of J, shit man.
Same initial as me. LOL.
I'm just cuter okay? -peng san

Sang my lungs out like mad.
Sang that particular song that he dedicated
to me.
Jay Chou's - Ge Qian.
As I sang and read into the lyrics,
I knew what he meant when he left.
He just wants me to forget him,
coz in this way, I'd be happier.
-shrugs-
I don't wanna ponder so much.
I'm really drained already.

It was good to see Triplet getting out
and singing out loud as well,
at least Mayday helped her.
I really hope she'll recover from
this emotional wreckage and smile
again, coz babe, you look really good when you smile.

Got home.
Was talking on the phone
with DD and Maureen.
Alemak. Don't know what to say.
So many stuffs. -arghh-

Talked to Chris as well too.
Xiaoping, i miss you.
We should all hang out soon. =)

- I presume my absence made your
- life better.
- I sang that song,
- I thought about you,
- I wanted to cry so badly,
- but I'm so numb, I can't even cry anymore.
- When you left, did you ever thought of turning
- back?

* Look at me now, I'm an emotional wreckage.

Today was even worse.
I slept at 4plus in the morning.
Gosh.
Damn.
Wished I could sleep earlier.

I really can't.
MY sleeping hours have been disturbed.
I can't sleep earlier than 1.am these days,
no matter how I try to.

I woke up around 1plus,
Maureen called,
Darlz called.
Alemak.

Returned their calls.
Went out for lunch with mum and sis.
Scissor cut rice please? =)

Slacked at home for awhile before bathing
and preparing to go church.

I went alone this time.
It felt good.
Coz I had time to myself.
To think about stuffs
and also to enjoy the peace and
tranquility that the Eucharist can give me.
This kind of ambience,
this kind of comfort,
no one can give it to me better than GOD.

I enjoyed Mass as always.
I prayed for the happiness of everyone
around me.
I told God that I was willing to give up
my happiness for the happiness of people,
like the LIBIDOS, CHRIS, Z.Y, CAROLYN
and most importantly J'VAN. =)
I prayed that no matter where he was,
God would protect him, keep him safe,
healthy and happy and that no matter
what happens, he has my love with him
all the way even if we're not together anymore.

On the way home,
I was talking to Chris.
It's Chris who keeps me going these days.
Coz he tries his best to keep me happy now.
He knows I'm upset over J.
So he's doing everything he can to put
that smile back on my face.
I really appreciate him,
for the things he did, does and is doing now.
I'm sorry I can't reciprocate now,
I can't turn back to our love,
coz in my mind and heart now,
there's only J.
I'm truly sorry.
No matter what, you're still my greated buddy
and I'll never forget the love I had for you
for the past 4 years. Never in my life will
I forget you. =)

Went to pack food back from 85 with mum.
Ate already.
But couldn't finish my food.
A thought came to my mind,
I've been feeling really tired these days,
I don't really feel like waking up.
My appetite is getting from bad to worse.
My palpitations happen quite often now.
Emotionally, i'm feeling very down.
I hope it's not a sign of death.

I feel like I'm dying soon.
Coz my mood for everything seems to be stagnant.
No interests.
No mood.
No smiles.

I don't know. Mind's a blank now.
Am going to stop here.

- I'm afraid I'll lose myself.
- I'm afraid I'll go crazy.
- I'm afraid I'll leave the world.
- But what I'm most afraid is,
- before I leave the world,
- I don't get to see you for the last time.

* I wanna feel your love, embrace and kisses once again.