Back to my favourite place again.
I love to blog coz it helps me to unwind
and most importantly to let out all the
emotions that have been surpressing within me.

I would have to admit that recently,
I haven't been myself.
I worry and think too much.

To make it worse,
my mum's not talking to me at all,
she only uttered 2 sentences to me
during the last 2 days.
Guess she's pretty pissed with me for clubbing,
but I HAD to go, I want to.
Dance all i could, get rid of all the troubles
and the misery that has been so well concealed
within me.

Seriously, alot of things didn't matter much
to me like it used to anymore.
What for worry or care when people around
you whom you care about show you that you're
just being too much of a nosey parker?

Today being a sunday,
has it's usual routines and commitments.

Mass of course is the priority,
I love going to church and attending masses,
because it's during this point of time that
I really have all these tormenting emotions thrown
aside and I really feel relieved.
God is wonderful, he helps me in every way possible,
no matter how much hurt I have to go through,
how much pain is bestowed upon me,
I'll NEVER BLAME him or QUESTION him.
I know that all things happen for a reason.
There's always a rainbow after a storm.
I just haven't seen my rainbow yet,
but I believe it'll definitely come soon.
My purpose in this world is to use
my best attribute - the heart,
to help people, to love people, to
let everyone know their significance in
my life. I thank God for bringing me into this world.

True, this world is filled with anger and rage,
but for every person I made happy,
is already a bonus to me.
As a child, I was diagnosed with
Cyanotic Heart Condition a.k.a Congenital Heart Disease.
Parents feared the worst for me,
the Professor said according to studies and research,
I would not be able to live till the age of 16,
but somehow or rather, God was gracious and I made
it through my 16,17,18,19,20th birthday without any
diffculty. Look how much he loves me? =)
I didn't really mention this to anyone,
but I'm seriously not sure if I can make it
till my 21st birthday? -shrugs.
I'm not typing this out of self-pity or what not.

I just want everyone around me to know this,
my condition was never a hindrance to me and
I've never used this condition to threaten someone
whom I love and couldn't bear to let go into
staying with me because I believe that if a person
really loves you, he wouldn't mind about your condition.
Love has no boundaries, unconditional love is what i
truly believe in.

Don't pity me.
I don't need it.
You people must be wondering, what did
i do to deserve this right?
don't have to, this is a gift from God
and not many people have it, I'm just
one of his special children.

I just wished that in terms of love,
relationships, I had a bit more luck.
Maybe me being nice, understanding was
too much for anyone to take.
I deserve someone better,
I would make a perfect girlfriend,
if that's so, why isn't anyone giving me
a chance to prove my worth?
All these talks about loving me,
who has actually loved me?
Tell me.

My tears, my pain, my misery.
I have to hide it from everyone,
I want to let it all out,
but I can't.
My surpression is killing me softly inside.
Who views the shattered pieces of my heart?
Who has ever felt my pain?

There are many times when i just couldn't
take it and want to end it all,
but when i look back and think about the
friends, my family and all those who truly care,
I can't bear to break those smiles on their faces
by leaving the world without saying goodbye.

After mass, I accompanied mum and dad
to Tampines Mall for awhile before heading
to give tuition. It was 3 solid hours today.
The passages that I went through with my tutee
was all about life and how people perceived it.
Strange, it all links up to what i was thinking.

Was on the way back home, Red one called and
asked if I was free to go with him to Joo Chiat
to find the pet shop that was giving away the dogs
due to the closure of it. I couldn't coz dad was
ranting at me over the phone when i asked for
permission, so I apologised to red one.

Darlz was supposed to go.
But as usual, pang seh-d red one again.
I had a reason, whereas he. .
His reason was that he's just PLAIN LAZY. LOL.

Here I am just surfing the net aimlessly,
looking for a meaning to life again
and waiting for my sister to come back home
from work so I could have dinner with her.
She's late and I'm SUPER HUNGRY.
Gosh, think I'll gorge myself with food like a pig later. LOL.

Think I'll stop here.
I don't mean to be so emotional on my blog,
but I can't help it, everyday you see the
happy jacinta, seldom you see her sad,
that's coz all my sadness will be poured in here,
in this way, it'll be better for you peeps
to read about my sadness than hear it,
I don't wanna see that look on your faces
when you hear my story coz it's only going
to spoil everyone's mood.

To all those whom I love, you all are my angels.

- The fact is I love you,
- the truth is you don't love me.
- The reason is we're like 2 parallel lines
- that will never meet.
- The conclusion is, I need to learn how
- to stop crying.

* Do you hear me calling your name?