FRIDAY

To work as usual.
I woke silly boy up, gave him a miss call.
Was preparing to go to work.
He thanked me through sms.
It was great to receive a msg from him,
but the feeling seems all so distant.

I was on half day today.
It went well.
But there were some issues that Maureen, Jane
and me were discussing about.
Work of course.
To improve ourselves and attain better results.

I wasn't in the mood for much stuffs.
So all I could say was just leave it.
Just try to do our best.
Don't care about the rest.

Rushed down to Hougang to pass silly boy
some stuffs, which I would think would be uneccessary.
It was good to see him again,
but it pains my heart to not be able to see him
for awhile longer.
It didn't matter to him anyway.

Met up with Chris at our common friend's house.
Unfortunately, the birthday boy wasn't home.
Grandmother had food poisoning, so couldn't take
care of him. Was basically chatting with Aunty
and Ah bao. Stayed there for like an hour plus.
Chris had some really new nice songs that he blue-toothed
over to me, such a sweetie.
He was really nice to me, his smile, his eyes,
the way he looks at me with such gentleness,
I knew he was trying to say something,
but he lacked the courage,
He couldn't bring himself to make me stay.

The thing now was, everything has changed.
It was all different,
my gaze, my look, my heart
has already drifted.
It wasn't towards him anymore, sadly.
I realised my feelings towards him now,
I was able to put my past behind me
and stand up again to try to love.
But as always, I'm put down once again.
I don't wanna go too much into that.

After which, I headed back to the office
to meet the rest.
Ate at burger king with Louis, Maureen and Kelvin.
Lena, Jia min and Sarah had their dinner at Tshih Lin's.

We headed for the KTV first,
followed by Jane and her all adorable son, Jeremiah.
Trust me.
At that point of time, I wished I was 7 years old.
So i could be his girlfriend. LOL.
He's damn cute and handsome.
My gosh.
He was the centre of attraction.
Jane babe, you rock man! =)

I sang and sang.
Trying to eliminate all unhappiness
and emotions running through me.
The songs I chose were so melancholic.
But who cared?
It was just some random songs.

The rest left,
one by one.
I cabbed home with Lena.
She alighted first.
On the journey back home,
I thought about life as it was.
My life, my ups, my downs.
I stared through space, roads passing,
vehicles and loads of lamposts.
I got upset, I wanted to cry, but
being the way I was, I surpressed all I could.

Even if it was a short while of happiness,
silly boy was on my mind all the way.
but i knew I wasn't the one on his mind,
needless to say, I should slowly withdraw.

Home.
Talked to my sister.
Had a heart to heart talk.
Our lives were on roller-coasters.
Hers was emotionally stressful,
mine was emotionally tiring.
I had such a thought in my mind.
" Heck the world, Heck Love, Heck everything. "
Silly boy called and we talked,
the usual being silence and all.

I slept.
With a heavy heart.

As for today, it hasn't been good.
My sister and I quarelled with my mum.
Shouting here and there.
Maureen heard our quarrel over the phone.

I'm physically sick.
Emotionally tired
and mentally weak.
How long can I hold on?

My pillar ( I thought ) left.
My family doesn't trust a word I say.
My friends are all crumbling due to problems of
their own and I can't help them in any way.

I feel helpless and useless.
Can someone tell me what to do?

Or if it's possible, can I hug someone?
Anyone who's willing to give me a warm embrace,
I just need someone to lean on, just for awhile.
I don't ask for much.
Just 7 seconds.
Just let me feel the love again.

I quote Z.y's words.
Will always remember this phrase.
" It's not selfish to wait for the one that you love,
but it's selfish to let the one who loves you wait. "
It finally all made sense to me.

There are just so many times,
I wanna raise the white flag.
I just wanna surrender.
But I can't.
If I did, the people around me will worry,
will collapse, coz I'm their support.

My precious treasures out there.
I need you people,
you people need me,
so don't worry,
no matter how hard the obstacles in front me are,
I'll conquer them.
I'll love myself more
and I'll wait for the day when I can love him.

- You don't have to do anything,
- Just live your life the way you want to,
- I don't ask for anything,
- just let me be there when you need someone.
- It doesn't matter if I have to be at a corner,
- I'll just watch over you.
- I only wanna see you happy.

* Can I just breathe once again?