yesterday was good and bad.
hah.

woke up early in the morning around 10+a.m
i didn't want to go for counselling.
it was so last minute.
and it had to be my mom's idea.
i msged my day saying i don't want to go.
i want to go sun-tanning.
but he insisted that i had to go.

no further discussions.
no more compromises.
so i just took my time,
delay - dally.
surfed the net,
went to take a bath,
then my parents came to pick me up.

went all the way to yio chu kang?
faints.
church of the immaculate heart.
first time there.
family life society.
waited fer all the procedures to be done.

Off to the counselling room.
what a dreaded experience i thought.
but as things progressed.
the counsellor was really good.
always putting herself in my shoes,
and speaking out the words from my heart,
tha ti thought will never be known.
i was really shocked,
but yet really thankful and grateful,
for all she has done.
Making my parents realise,
that i needed that space.
that Chris was someone important.

they din really agree to it of coz.
with much persistence,
my mum kept fighting for her belief.
my dad sort of gave up i should say.
he just agreed to the counsellor's suggestions.
i know my parents aren't happy about it.
but at least let me live happily.

coz seriously,
i don't know how long i'll live.
who knows?
i'll be gone when i'm sleeping?
i don't want to regret anything.
i don't ask for anything.
just pure accpetance with love,
and not prejudice.

Maureen (counsellor) said this,
"the bible or even God did not say or state,
that a GGR is immoral."
i was really attached to this phrase.
God is so great,
don't you think so?
He loved me so much,
he gave me life,
and all that i wanted.
i love him alot,
and i'm sorry fer everything lord.

It's a test for my parents.
Mum and Dad,
do you think,
you can pass through it?
i doubt so,
coz u'll hate me more. =(

off to Ecp,
met baby,xinhua,jeredy,chun mei,
meiting and kumar.
was sun-tanning,
crapping,
wading in the water.
got buried in the sand.
first time.
cool experience.
i liked that.
was so much fun when baby rescued me. =)

took pics,
loads of them.
will be uploading them in awhile.

Z.y came,
talked,
off to bathe.
and i was really self-obssesed. hah.

ate dinner.
a cat was wondering around.
making baby so afraid.
a bad phobia.
i was so worried.
tried all i could to get him talking and smiling.
but i wasn't the one who really did that.
felt useless and pathetic.

tried to get the cat out of the way.
all i could was to carry it with a cloth,
every now and then.
till it got so irritated.
It bit and scratched me.
i cried.
it was so painful.
first experience.
how bad can that get?
all i wanted was my baby's safety.=)

went home with an injured right leg.
limping.
took a cab home with z.y
thank goodness she was there.
really appreciate it.
-huggies- love yer big sis.
p.s : sorry for biting so hard.

- left you there.
- wanted to stay with you.
- felt quite distant.
- is it just me?
- or is everything going to change?
- i love you
- i really do.
- the scratch hurt,
- but my heart hurts even more.

* love me just like you used to.