it's christmas eve already.
it's suppose to be a hppy occassion,
isn't it?

i remembered...
at this point of time last year,
amanda and i was so ready..
to go over to baby's hse..

- ja ponders contiuously -
i was rushing...
to buy baby,
his fav,
ying mu hua dao piggy bank,
he like this basketball player alot..
heez..
was wrapping the gift in the train.. lol..
it was all so fun,
when we left fer orchard,
n we all countdown together..
there was nutty,[my baby's bro]adam,[bro's friend]xin hua,baby,me and amanda.
we were all spraying those canned confetti stuffs,
at each other..
haha..we had sooo much fun...
the feeling was so special...
was so.........
seasonal...
i could feel the christmas mood...
that was coz i had my baby with me...
christmas has never been the same when my baby,
stepped into my life..[ aww..i miss that time ]
-end-

-back to reality-
but now..it seems...
i have to spend christmas eve alone..
i wanted to go to ecp..
to just sit down by the beach with my baby..
just the two of us..
under the dark blue sky,
just toking abt our r.s thru these months,
how we managed it..
n still we're together...
amazingly,
loving each other...
but it's too far fer him,
he asks me to go there alone.
[sighs heavily]

i noe my baby loves me..
coz he had a choice to choose other people..
but he chose me..
i'm grateful, i tried to gif him my all..
but i realise..when he told me...
i don't seem to be the one fer him..
really?
did i fail real badly?
is our r/s falling becoz of me?

*i wish i could cry out hard, but tears just won't fall.
*it's just that my heart's really heavy and pain [emotionally]
* if that's the case,i'm leaving fer a better place.
* i wanna cry everything out. at the place i love to go.