I won't blame anyone for this.
I just don't understand why it has to happen to me.

Promises.
What are they?

Chances.
Is that how it's abused?

After all that has happened,
i thought i wouldn't have to face tuesday.(10 October 2006)

I thought my predicament wasn't going to be true.
I wished i was over-sensitive.
I wished i was proven wrong.

But as i looked into your eyes,
i could see,
i wasn't the only girl anymore.
I just wasn't your sweet innocent girlfriend you
had that same sighting for.

You spoke with a stutter,
but eventually all true words came gushing out.
It's been long since i last heard you spoke
about someone like that.

That exact feeling when you're confused,
but your heart still tells you to speak the truth.
You can stop your mind from anything,
but your heart can't fight against feelings.

Initially, i wished it was all a nightmare.
But when i tried to swallow my pride,
hold back those tears,
i just couldn't control any of those anymore.

It was REAL.
The truth came smacking at my face.
I know you try to hide all of these,
but you cannot contain any of those anymore.

You're stuggling within yourself.
You're afraid to hurt me,
i understand.
But you can't compress all that you're feeling inside,
coz you might never know when you've already fallen
out of love and in love again.

By forcing the truth out of you,
i was helping you.
I knew all along, it was my good friend.
I knew all along, that it was my stupidity that led
me to this.
You could pretend you don't feel it,
i could pretend that i don't sense it.
But at the end of the day,
it's going to hurt the both of us.

I'm sorry i can't be mother teresa
and forgive you and get over the matter.
It's the last straw.
Maybe when i let you did as you please,
i trusted and believed you,
that i was your only love.

I really did.
I persevered on,
waiting for my 21st,
to spend the rest of my life with you.

But somehow or rather,
your actions just don't seem
to comply or go hand in hand with your words.

You promised to make me the happiest girl in the world.
you promised to settle down soon.
You promised you'd never leave me.

Where are they?
Have you forgotten?

I dont' need anyones' pity.
I don't want people to feel sorry for me.
I don't want people to sympathise and empathise me.

All i need now is a breather.

You won't know or you're probably oblivious
to my sacrifices,
my love,
my car,
but most importantly,
my heart and soul.

I know you can't love me as much as i love you,
right from the start.

All i want is just a simple true heart,
a simple relationship,
a simple someone who'd be there when i need him.
Simplicity is more than i can ask for.

Even the basics,
i'm deprived of that privilege.

I don't wanna ponder or probe too much into it.
What's there is there.
I just have to accept it.

I'm just totally damaged,
no amount of repair is going to help,
so just let me fade away,
vanish from the face of the world,
only to be remembered as
" The girl who died for love."

Jie, z.y - do me a favour, erase that recent post of yours.
i'm already a loser in other people's eyes.
i've lost the battle.
Please don't make things any difficult for me.
Let me have a leeway of at least a lil dignity and integrity
to leave the stage.
Thanks for everything jie.

We've pushed ourselves this far,
now let's just allow fate to play the crucial part.

I'm sorry i can't maintain th e friendship i have with her.
It's just too difficult.

I'll end here.
I may not be back for awhile.
Take good care my dear bloggie.
Thanks for being the mirror of my emotions.

* Tell me now, have i been replaced?